I know you'll miss me when I'm gone.

I dont want to be the one that breakes your heart but if it has to be done then so be it.

Dont come back into my life and try to act like my best friend, ask me to talk again when all of you broke me.

"Family"

Your the ones supposed to be there for me no matter what situation.
You act as if I dont even exist.
The level of betrail on your part is unbelieveable.
You only call at your convenience.
It's funny really I'm down the street and you cant take 5 minutes to call.
When people ask about you I pretend to know that you're okay.
I ate the fact I must find out everything over social media.
When you found everything out, you were shocked, well at least you looked like it.
I have to say im impressed at your acting skills.
You're my blood and you turned your back on me.
I'm starting to see just how close of a "Family" we really are.

 

Good-bye

Un adiós final al amor que hemos perdido, las reglas que ambos hemos roto en nuestros propios caminos egoístas , nadie la culpa , pero siempre estaban buscando a alguien más a quien culpar por los actos de los otros. No importa lo que hagamos o cuánto nos esforcemos no hay manera de mantener engañando entre si , a la deriva , aparte tenemos que estar bien con las situaciones que se han caído

                                                         One final good bye to love we have lost, the rules we both have broken in our own selfish ways, noone at fault but were always looking for someone else to blame for the acts of one another . no matter what we do or how hard we try there is no way to keep fooling eachother , drifting apart we have to be okay with the situations that have fallen. 

Promises

We made a promise one that we would never break but I guess everyone breakes right?

One day we loved the next we fought.

One day you stole my hear and the next you destroyed it.

How much longer must we pretend that we are still happy with the decisions  we have each made.

One day we had eachother and the next we didnt.

Where did it all wrong, what did we do to ourselves.

Maybe one day we will figure it out, but for now lets pretend we havent broken those childish promises.

Stikes

The simplest nights always have the biggest lies.

I see the hurt thats running through your veins, trying to hang on like a weak branch on a tree. 

Once i was tricked , Two you were picked, three you knocked it out of the pit.

You played a great game but now its time for the ultimate run.

Our nightmare

We were never the chosen ones.
We let the dust pile on us.
Let us be the forgotten treasure.
The blood in my veins is like a breeze through the wind.
I've set the bar high.
I'll flare the spark in those eyes.
They say lies come from those least expected.
I believe its easier to let everyone down then to be someone or something that your not.
Everyone is scared of that one thing, its always different.
It seems like they are the jakcs in a house full of cards.
As soon as we wake we will lose our minds let it be our nightmare.
We can dance our nights away.
The way we collide we will lose our minds they dont.
We will catch those eyes.
We will flare those lights , the way we collide we could lose our minds.


Your dreams came true when i met you.
Those moments when we first met, wishing we could go back.
The love was unexpected.
Those pearly blue eyes were hipnotizing to begin with.
Never thought about anything or anyone after that...

Him

Those pretty brown eyes and the way he smiles flashing those dimples man I swear this boy got me messed up I never thought I'd end up feeling like this his voice giving me chills he calles me mouse and the butterflies in my tummy erupt he got me insane the way he making me act I can't explain.

11 painful things

1: Bringing back the feeling you've learned to forget

2: Reminiscing the good times 

3: Trying to hide what you really feel

4: Loving someone who loves another 

5: Having a commitment with someone you know won't last 

6: Shielding your heart to love someone 

7: Loving a person too much 

8: Right love at the wrong time 

9: Taking risk to fall in love again 

10: Accepting that it was never meant to be 

11: The "What if's"

Time

You used to be the only reason for my misery,

You tried to drag me down,

I won’t let you drag me down,

The weight on my shoulders is now brushed off,

I almost wonder what my life would have been like if someone had seen the helplessness in my eyes I often wanted to let you go through with it,

I wanted to know how far you would go, how far you would drag me down.

almost

I almost want to quit.

I almost want there to be a place of my own that no one knows about.

I almost want to be in 2 different places at once.

I almost want to be able to see the future.

I almost don't know what I want.

I almost want to keep myself from people.

I almost don't want to be alone.

I almost want time to just stop.  

I almost want to be reckless.

I almost don't want to know.

Empty

All these facts and all these lies that I'm letting sink into my mind
I see the the stars but will I really ever make it that far?
It wasn't easy to ust let you slip away from me.
I often remember the late night talks we would have all the questions I would ask and how I always told you I'd be something you'd be proud of.
I often thought that you would live forever but i know that dream was short lived at least now i know that you are with others in the same place and someday i will get to be with you again but untill then i will keep my promise to you and achieve  the goals i have set for my future.
Turns out that noone can replace you...

Rewind

Trying to go back to the place I once knew, wanna run till Im back to the place i grew from I want to go back to warn the "little me" about the future that was set up for us . Im not the joyous child I once was.I would rewind and watch my life over stop and reflect on the best memories before she left to watch over us.Those final days were rough, but I know that now I have to strive on and make something out of nothing make sure my roots stay planted. 

  

FOR YOU TO REMEMBER: 

I know eveything may not be the way u want it to be, but Im glad that all the crap that has happened in ur life has lead u to us. We aren't the brady bunch but we will stick together no matter what!  I can tell u from the bottom of my heart that I love u enough for all of the people who have let u down, or will continue to, Im not good at expressing feelings, so I don't say these things enough, but u kids are my pride and joy! I may not seem happy sometimes,but I hope u guys know that depite it I truly am happy because Im surrounded by the loves of my life. Thank u for being u, and for how much u help out. It  has really helped me out and I really appreciate it and most of all, u. xoxox

Lives

I used to be the type of girl that thought the worse of herself. I used to hang out with people I thought were better then me to help me feel better. I used to feel like an outcast in my own family, not really having someone my age to hang out with and talk. I would get asked by my family if I was ok and how were things going, I'd answer by say that things were fine and great just to get them off my back. I used to smile but I was broken inside, I turned to music for my escape, I would pretend that there was a whole other world where I fit in and music was a thing that made everything happy. Like just a connection with everything and everyone through music.I wanted to change for the better and now that im growing up and seeing how cruel this world really is. It seems that music is something that brings us closer the music we listen to tells the truth and the lives of others that we might not understand.  

paper heart

Sometimes i hold my paper heart in my hand .Trying to hold onto the plan. I try and carry the weight on my shoulders but yet your pictures still haunt me Now I hold the memories of us in my little paper heart .

Facts

 So this is just a little more for you guys to get to know me.

1. I'll be 17 in 2 months 
2. I have 3 siblings
3. My favorite type of movies are comedies
4. I've wanted to start a youtube channel for a while 
5. I'm weird 
6. I know that what I put in my blog doesnt make sense at times 
7. I'm Hispanic and Japanese 
8. I will be a junior this coming school year 
9. I'm a bookworm honestly I love to read
10. I dont trust people fairly easily y6 

waves

The dreams are haunting me the memories are just like waves they come and go the biggest ones are the ones that make the biggest affects the tide in the emotions with the deepest of states. Often times its not the way you act its the way you think those thoughts that are always flooding inside which makes you react. on some levels its the passion on heartaches. Not always the distance between things but towards the long run its what makes sense now knowing that you  on some other levels makes sense somewhere later in life when you know what you want and strive for it.

time

I rise at night from the terror of your memories. I try to think about something else but in the end I know that the memories I make will end up to be legends and carry on. I don't do this for anyone but myself they want me in a bad position because they know I'll come out on top . When the time comes I know that everyone's secrets will come and haunt them...

STALKERS!!!!!

So I guess people don't understand that if we date and we breakup your my EX!!!! We have no relations to each other , your not in my life I'm not in yours we have gone OUR OWN WAYS!!! Honestly some of you need to learn how to let the past go and how to move on. I don't want you stalking my Facebook, Twitter, etc...  ANYTHING. Your wasting your breath and time on something that just isn't yours.

VESSEL

I am a vessel 

I hear the darkness

The way the wind whistles like its calling out to me 

The light footsteps that creep from every corner its just like a house of traps 

I might not know whats at the other side of these doors but what I do know is that I will survive 

I know what I am capable of and i will do anything in my power to reach the top...

questions

HEY GUYS so I  know i haven't been on in a while and I'm sorry for that but if you go and follow me on twitter @ToriMatthew98 and DM me questions or suggestions on a topic I'll make sure to follow and make a shoutout to you again I'm sorry for not following up.

Thanks again warriors 

BLU

The dreams are haunting me the memories are like waves they come and go the biggest ones are the ones that affect the tide , the emotions in the deepest of states of any mind it's not how you act its how you think the thoughts that are always flooding you is what makes you react. Sometimes its hard not to let the words that others say get to you but you know what you and who you need in life never be afraid to be who you are and achieve your dreams.


 

Dirty little secrets

Its been so ling since i last saw you. All the memories are starting to haunt me. You were always the one to keep me safe now its just like an old saying. I still see the pictures of you and I. And i can recall the day all the smiles that were plastered on our faces. All our little fights saying it was best not to know the consequences what a way to say goodbye ain't it those last few minutes.We had together they were the years in making no one ever knowing we were each others little secrets.

Watch

I'm starting to knock the door down 

Now there's no one getting in my way now 

Yeah, I used to say that I was water now I refer to myself as fire not afraid to speak my mind. Things used to be so peacefully quiet like death but now those flares won’t shut up. Like DAMN what I get myself into?  

Mamma taught me to try my hardest but now from where in standing your words can’t compare my future to your past just want to see that look on your face cause now!

I’m starting to knock the door down  no one getting in my way now , now I hope you all take a second to take a good look at me now.

nerves

So I thought I would blog today since I haven't been on in a while I've moved to a new school and I moved homes so its been a little hectic. So I've been in contact with my fathers side of the family well I should just say my brother but I mean its weird my brother and I  have never met like AT ALL we have only talked on the phone hes never been over there to the states. I've known about my brother for a long time and its weird cause we talk like we have been best friends our entire lives his girlfriend and I have also talked like we're best friends. I guess what I'm trying to say is that its weird trusting people that you have never met before then trusting others. I hope to meet my brother some day it would be an awesome experience. so with finishing this post today i just want to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIG BROTHER!!!!!

quotes

I have never loved myself,but for you oh god, i love you so much, i forgot what hating myself felt like.
The truth is you could slit my throat and with my last gasping breath I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.
I changed ? How about i just stopped acting the way you wanted me too.
lonely for you


These quotes are not mine they are all from tumblr just so that people know that  

there's not much to say about anything much of people put their heart and emotions into something or someone who honestly is never worth the time.we all know its just mixed up emotions jumbled up into our minds  .

dead silene

I bet they all wondered what it would have been like just thinking I wouldn't notice the judgment , you betrayed me just to to get some stupid sh**.

I hope you thought I would find out, girl I saw the way you worked that smug smile every word that dripped from your mouth was laced with venom. You know they told me to watch out but I didn't listen now who has  fallen, and who has risen looks like I've survived doesn't it? I know your beating yourself over the things you caused but I guess it serves you right.

motives

My motivation didn't come from you.
I know your just a particle of my past all those things you used to tell me are what make me strong to this day.

monsters

I see the monsters hiding under my bed 
I see the true colors inside my head
The lighting just cant hide the pain that has been caused 
Now is the time I see the monsters with their true faces